Identity

Human is enough

I stood in the mountains watching the sunrise come across the Bow Valley last week.

“This is why I am so happy I am an ultra runner” I thought. But then I paused and realized I didn’t like how that felt. I didn’t like the sound of my identity being tied to things and labels and genres of things that I partake in. I am a human, that is what I am. So I spent time reflecting on identity while I watched the peaks slowly light up with the morning glow.

Why do we feel so compelled to call ourselves something? Everyone seems so desperate to align themselves with a tribe and so terrified to blaze their own way and celebrate being the collection of atoms that they are. Are we as a society that unsure of ourselves? Are we so afraid that being spectacularly human is not enough?

I think there are levels to it.

At its worst, people attach themselves to other people/groups as their identity, and this is the one which sickens me the most. I’d rather crawl into a wood chipper feet first before aligning a significant portion of who I am to a celebrity, an athlete, a politician or sports team. What a sad existence it must be to have so little depth that you need to have another set of bones in a meat suit represent who you are.

At its best, people give themselves titles and labels in an attempt to express who they are. They want others to hear what they do and are. I think expressing yourself outwardly as the things you do is more palatable but I still don’t think it tastes good without being introspective about yourself when you say the things you are.

I’ve been guilty of this. I played professional soccer in my youth and thus I was a soccer player…my social media calls myself an ultra runner and a coach. None of these things are who I am however, they are just things I do/have done, but during shallower periods of my life, I allowed them to be my identity. In my quest to be more, I found that I could actually feel and exist as more by stripping myself of external labels and embracing myself at my foundation. I am convinced this is the way.

I think when you recognize that you are a human first, just like everyone else that has ever existed, but also completely different than everyone that has ever existed, you will have a newfound appreciation for the titles and labels attached to yourself. When you appreciate your existence first and allow the things you do to be a footnote on your life and not a headline, life feels more valuable, it feels deeper. The experiences you have mean more, the bonds with others you share feel deeper, the things your eyes see look clearer.

As I stood looking down on the valley as the sunrise finished, I could feel the ground beneath me, the wind blew harder than normal and it was nice, it made me feel my existence. I was not an athlete, a coach or anything else in that moment, just a human, existing on a rock flying through space and to me, that is all I will ever need to be to find this life utterly magnificent.

Onwards, Always.